I texted a friend yesterday, after he asked how I was doing, that I was high as a kite coming off the weekend I just finished.

If you've never heard me talk about it, my wife and I volunteer with something called LifeApp. I attended my first 3 Day experience three years ago, up in British Columbia, Canada, at one of the most gorgeous places I've ever visited. It sits beside the Fraser River with glorious mountains all around.

The most remarkable thing about that weekend was learning about something I really thought I knew a lot about and didn't.

In the middle of that experience, I was asked how I would rate my marriage. At the time, I said my marriage is a 10.

After the weekend, and after my wife went through the program too, I had two ways to say it. Either my marriage is now a 20 out of 10, or back then it was more like a 5. I’m reminded of Warren Buffet’s words - that who you pick as your life partner is the most important decision you will ever make. I would add that how you work at that relationship may matter even more. I invest in my marriage and see the ROI.

I could go on down the list of other things that changed in my life.

My parenting style changed. Along the way I heard a line I keep coming back to: "We must slay our demons, or they will raise our children." I've learned how to experience flourishing in the middle of parenting, even with a strong-willed little girl.

My work interactions changed. They are more thoughtful and more empathetic than they used to be.

Recently I was listening to Simon Sinek's conversation with Bob Chapman, the longtime CEO of Barry-Wehmiller, about how Bob built these same principles of relational excellence into his company. Bob called it Truly Human Leadership and wrote about it in Everybody Matters. Simon describes it as a company that treats people as human beings rather than line items. Over the same decades, Barry-Wehmiller grew from $20 million in revenue in 1975 to more than $3.6 billion in 2025. Bob passed away this March. The company he built is proof that caring for people and growing a business can go together.

I know some successful people. I also know some ‘successful’ people. The way we deem someone successful is often their bank account when we really should be asking the quality of their relationships.

I'm in a season of life where I realize more every day that relational excellence is what life is really about. By that I mean your relationships all firing on all cylinders, with harmony and peace and joy in every one of them.

The science has been saying this for a long time.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development has followed the same men, and later their families, since 1938. When the researchers looked back at what they knew about people at age 50, it wasn't cholesterol that predicted who would be healthy at 80. It was how satisfied they were in their relationships. Robert Waldinger, who directs the study, has a TED talk on it that is worth twelve minutes of your week.

A meta-analysis of 148 studies covering more than 300,000 people found that people with stronger social relationships had 50% greater odds of survival over the follow-up period. The authors put that effect on par with quitting smoking, and ahead of obesity and physical inactivity.

Marriage specifically? A review of 126 studies and more than 72,000 people found that the quality of a marriage tracks with health about as strongly as diet and exercise do. Quality, not just being married.

One honest note: these are observational studies. Healthier people may also find it easier to keep good relationships. But the signal is consistent across decades, countries and methods, and we spend a fraction of the effort on our relationships that we spend on our workouts and our plates.

I've read a lot of books on what goes into our relationships: our relationship with ourselves, with others, and with the divine. I believe all three are so important.

One thing I've learned is that our own inflammation can persuade our brain that other people are against us. In a UCLA experiment, volunteers given a small inflammatory challenge reported feeling more disconnected from other people within hours, and that sense of disconnection explained their drop in mood. Sleep works the same way. After one sleepless night, people in a Berkeley study kept approaching strangers 18 to 60% farther away than when they were rested, and strangers who watched videos of them rated them as lonelier and less appealing to spend time with.

So some meal or a poor night's sleep can have you walking through the day thinking people don't like you or are against you, when the change happened inside you.

I've also learned that many of us carry serious pain, trauma or hurt that has scarred or wounded us. So many of us use a coping mechanism to get through it. If we're honest, it is probably an addiction that helps us numb the pain and make it through life. In the Adverse Childhood Experiences study of 8,613 adults, people with five or more painful childhood experiences were 7 to 10 times more likely to report addiction to illicit drugs than people with none.

For too long, I've been as guilty as anyone of telling people to get their act together if they have some type of addiction. I see more clearly than ever that we need to help people address the pain, and ask more about the pain than about the medication or addiction they're using to numb it.

Recently someone asked me for my definition of heaven, or paradise. I said it is being around the people I love, no matter where we are or what we're doing.

If I were in the most beautiful, amazing location in the world, or on some planet beyond, without the people I love and who really know me, I think it would be hell.

If any of the relational dynamics in your life are not where you want them to be, I want to invite you to learn more about this experience. Maybe you think you're disgusting, or you don't care for yourself. Maybe you don't want to be around people, or you shut them out. Maybe you're not fulfilled, or you don't know your purpose. Maybe there's strain in a relationship, or pain from childhood. Whatever the relational injury or issue may be, the invitation is for you.

Why? Every single person I have encouraged to go through it, without fail, has dramatically changed their life, and improved across everything they can measure. I even have one friend who says their sleep has gotten so much better after addressing the tension in their relationships, finding peace and forgiveness, and asking for forgiveness. That lines up with research finding that people who forgive sleep better, largely because they spend less time replaying anger and carry less anxiety and depression into the night.

Reach out to me. Just hit reply. I'd love to share more about this and about upcoming events. There's one in a few weeks that I'd love for you to join us at. You can also read more about the LifeApp 3 Day here.

-Jared

P.S. - My wife Baddie Crocker has a beautiful newsletter where she shares her perspectives on tending the land, recipes, women’s health and more.

P.S. - This newsletter does not provide medical advice. The content, such as graphics, images, text, and all other materials, are provided for reference and educational purposes only. The content is not meant to be complete or exhaustive or to be applicable to any specific individual’s medical condition.

Here are links to things that have helped me improve my health:

Whoop - Track your HRV and REM Sleep

Function Health - Optimize Your Health via 160+ BioMarkers

Here are a few topics I think you’ll love if you haven’t checked them out before:

How to Breathe for Better Health

How to Supercharge Your Sleep

The Power of the Sauna