I had a friend recently share with me that he had been drinking more than he should and knew it wasn’t good for him but didn’t want to tell me because he thought I would just give him a lecture that he already knew the altar call for.

I felt bad. I was that judgy guy for so many years. I thought me telling you how to live your life was my duty. Sadly, I pushed some people away, more than I probably realize. I now know that many of us have pain that we do our best to numb in a host of ways.

Today I want to touch on what I am increasingly convinced is the greatest health protocol, the best prescription any of us can find - friendship.

Because in a world of friends and followers - the reality is bleak - many of us don’t even have one real friend. And the truth is - that is more of us in the room than we care to admit.

About half of American adults say they feel lonely. Not “rough week” lonely. Chronic, measurable, wearing-on-your-body lonely.

And we did it to ourselves slowly, without noticing. We traded the porch for the feed. The long dinner for the quick text. We told ourselves the group chat counted as friendship.

It doesn’t.

Start with the scary part, because it reframes everything after it.

In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General released an advisory most people scrolled right past. The finding: being chronically disconnected raises your risk of early death about as much as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day. Loneliness is tied to a 29% higher risk of heart disease, a 32% higher risk of stroke, and a 50% higher risk of dementia. Your body treats being alone like an injury.

Many of us would be far better drinking alcohol together than being isolated and sober. Those are words I never thought I would type.

The National Institute on Aging explains the how. Loneliness trips the same alarm system as physical pain. Leave that alarm running for years and you get chronic inflammation and a weaker immune system. The body keeps the receipts.

Now the good news, which is the same news flipped over. One of the largest reviews ever done — 148 studies, more than 300,000 people — found that those with strong social ties were 50% more likely to be alive at follow-up than the disconnected. Friendship wasn’t a nice-to-have. It was survival.

And if you only believe one study, believe the long one. Harvard has tracked the same people for more than 80 years — jobs, marriages, money, health, all of it. The single best predictor of who stayed happy and healthy wasn’t cholesterol or income or IQ. It was the quality of their relationships. The study’s director, Robert Waldinger, said it as plainly as it can be said in a talk more than 50 million people have watched: good relationships keep us healthier and happier. Full stop.

So if connection is this powerful, why are we starving?

Because we quietly stopped making it. In 1990, three out of four Americans said they had a best friend. By 2021, it was closer to half — and the share of us with three or fewer close friends nearly doubled. Friendship didn’t get less important. We just stopped putting it on the calendar.

And here’s the trap I fell for too: we believed the phone would fill the gap. It hasn’t. Oregon State researchers found the heaviest social media users were more than twice as likely to be lonely. A follow-up found that the more of your “friends” are people you’ve never actually met, the lonelier you tend to feel. Watching everyone’s highlight reel is not the same as being known.

The good news under all of this: friendship is a skill, not a personality type. You can practice it. Here’s where I’d start.

•       Put in the hours — for real. A University of Kansas researcher measured it: about 50 hours together to become casual friends, 90 to become real friends, and 200+ to become close ones. And get this — joking, playing, and just hanging out count. Time spent only working together barely moves the needle. So schedule the hangout, not another meeting.

•       Use proximity on purpose. We befriend the people we keep bumping into. Pick one thing that puts you near the same faces every week — a class, a gym, a volunteer shift, a faith community — and keep showing up. Repetition does the quiet work.

•       Go first. Send the text. Make the invite. The first move feels awkward and almost always lands better than you fear. Don’t wait to be chosen. Choose someone.

•       Open up, a little at a time. Real friendship grows when two people take turns being honest. Say one true thing. Then listen like it matters— don’t rush to fix it.

•       Guard it like a workout. Block standing time the way you’d block the gym. A monthly dinner. A weekly walk. For the men especially: a plane ticket and a weekend of bad golf will do more for your health than half the bottles in your supplement cabinet.

•       Trade screen time for face time. Swap one hour of scrolling for one real call. The feed is not the room.

We’ll spend a fortune on the perfect mattress, the cold plunge, the right supplements — and leave the most powerful health move we know of sitting unused. Because it feels too simple. Or too vulnerable.

Friendship is the medicine almost nobody realizes is essential for health and happiness.

So this week, do the small brave thing. Text the person you’ve been meaning to call. Say it out loud: “I miss you. Let’s get on the calendar.” That’s the whole protocol.

We were never built to do this alone.

Your body has been trying to tell you that the whole time.

-Jared

P.S. - My wife Baddie Crocker has a beautiful newsletter where she shares her perspectives on tending the land, recipes, women’s health and more.

I write this newsletter each week because I feel my best when my body, mind and soul are all healthy. I want the same for you. If you feel like you’ve seen something valuable here, please do me a favor and forward this newsletter to a friend or let me know what you think by replying to this email or texting me - (310) 879-8441

P.S. - This newsletter does not provide medical advice. The content, such as graphics, images, text, and all other materials, is provided for reference and educational purposes only. The content is not meant to be complete or exhaustive or to be applicable to any specific individual's medical condition.

Here are links to things that have helped me improve my health:

Whoop - Track your HRV and REM Sleep

Function Health - Optimize Your Health via 160+ BioMarkers

U.S. Surgeon General (2023). Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation. (via NPR, “America has a loneliness epidemic”).

Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social Relationships and Mortality Risk: A Meta-analytic Review. PLoS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316.

Harvard Study of Adult Development — “Over nearly 80 years, Harvard study has been showing how to live a healthy and happy life,” Harvard Gazette (2017).

Waldinger, R. “What Makes a Good Life? Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness,” TED (2015).

Hall, J. A. (2019). How many hours does it take to make a friend? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(4) (via University of Kansas News).

Cox, D. A. “The State of American Friendship: Change, Challenges, and Loss,” Survey Center on American Life (2021).

Gorman, J., Primack, B., et al. “Loneliness in U.S. adults linked with amount, frequency of social media use,” Oregon State University (2025).

Primack, B., Gorman, J., et al. “At best, social media connections unlikely to make you less lonely,” Oregon State University / Public Health Reports (2026).

National Institute on Aging. “Loneliness and Social Isolation — Tips for Staying Connected” (2024).

Mayo Clinic. “Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health” (2024).