Love is not just roses and orgasms  

Contrary to Hollywood’s definition of love, true love is a resolve to be kind and caring to someone even when there are no butterflies in our stomachs. To quote and somewhat paraphrase Jesus, “There is no greater love than to lay down your own life with its ambitions, hopes, and dreams to serve and sacrifice for the sake of another.” Clearly, He lived by this mantra.

But love is also not just a romantic thing between partners. The Greeks had it right when they described love as six different kinds of relationships with someone or something. Today we often lump it all together. I hope to show you why you need to be receiving more love in your life and why you need to be giving more of it away - all to personally benefit your own health and happiness. Here we go:

Why Love Matters:

• Emotional Well-being: Regularly experiencing love, whether through relationships with family, friends, or partners, is linked to lower levels of stress and anxiety[1]. This emotional support acts as a buffer against life’s pressures, promoting a sense of security and stability.

• Physical Health Benefits: Studies indicate that individuals who feel loved and supported tend to have better cardiovascular health, including lower blood pressure and reduced risk of heart disease[2]. The emotional fulfillment derived from love can also boost immune function, contributing to overall resilience.

• Longevity: Research suggests that strong social connections, which often involve giving and receiving love, are associated with increased longevity[3]. Feeling loved and valued contributes to a sense of purpose and motivation to maintain health-promoting behaviors.

Love is rare in our day and age. To find love and experience it and to give it away is the apex of living life to the fullest.

Why is love so powerful?

Very few of us have actually experienced true love whether that be with a friend, a family member, or a life partner. Why is it so hard to find?

I went to a 3-day retreat recently all about how to give and receive love better. It was one of the most impactful weekends of my life. I would recommend you go to the next one if you have the chance. While there, I learned how impactful love can be. I learned how many of us talk so nasty to ourselves that we offer little love to ourselves in the form of encouragement. I heard people share that every time they look in the mirror they think they are ugly, undeserving of love, worthless.

Not to try to sound too preachy, but I go back to this idea from Jesus that the great calling of life is to love others to the same degree that we love ourselves. But many of us hate ourselves based on what we say to ourselves. How on earth can you expect to shower love on others when you don’t care about yourself?

Many of us are afraid that if people really knew us - they would NOT like us - and definitely not love us. But I’ve found the opposite to be true in life. The people who know us the most love us the most. Vulnerability is attractive and powerful.

I want to challenge you to acknowledge that digital friends i.e. social media is for the most part - fake! Then ask yourself which people in your life actually know you. You may find you haven’t opened up to many. If you have one person in your life who knows you and your story and who loves and likes you - you are winning. So many of us are afraid to open up and love others because we aren’t sure they will love us back.

I have found that love is a principle not a feeling. You love because this is the essence of life - but do not expect or require it in return. If we lived and loved like this, we would not have so many broken relationships.

To those you may call your “friends” - if they don’t accept you when you are at your worst - they aren’t your friends. To your life partner - when life gets tough, are you committed to loving them regardless of their attitude or reaction? If you have that courage and resolve to this idea of love, you will see your relationships blossom.

Love takes risks. Love is patient. Love is a practice that we get better at the more we give it and the more we learn to receive it.

I found a fantastic book recently about the high calling of men in relationships - whether that is at work, with friends, or in a romantic relationship. Here it is if you’re interested.

A Few Excuses

While the benefits of love are clear, incorporating this practice into daily life may face some challenges:

Time Constraints: Busy schedules can make it difficult to prioritize nurturing relationships. However, small gestures such as a heartfelt note or a brief phone call can go a long way in expressing love and strengthening bonds.

Tip: Schedule regular “love check-ins” where you and your friend or family member or partner dedicate uninterrupted time to connect and share your feelings.

Digital Distractions: In a world dominated by screens and notifications, genuine human connection can sometimes take a back seat. Prioritize face-to-face interactions or phone calls over texting or social media to deepen emotional connections.

Tip: Establish tech-free zones or times during the day, such as meals or before bedtime, to focus on meaningful conversations without distractions.

Self-Perception: Some individuals may struggle with feelings of unworthiness or difficulty expressing emotions. Building self-awareness and practicing self-love can enhance one’s capacity to give and receive love authentically. This is a hard one for most of us - but if we don’t care about ourselves, we don’t have a standard by which to show love to others, and at worst we are being fake when we don’t practice what we preach.

Tip: Start by acknowledging your own worth and practicing self-compassion and self care. As you become more comfortable with self-love, expressing love to others will feel more natural.

Takeaways: How to Bring More Love Into Your Life

Express Gratitude: Regularly express appreciation for your loved ones’ presence and support. Simple acts of gratitude, such as saying “thank you” or writing a heartfelt note or sending a meaningful text, can strengthen relationships.

Quality Time: Dedicate focused time to nurture relationships. Whether it’s a weekly date night with your spouse or a family outing or lunch with a friend, prioritize moments of togetherness without distractions.

Acts of Kindness: Small gestures, like helping out or surprising a loved one with their favorite treat, can reinforce feelings of love and connection.

Find Loving People: If you don’t have people pouring love and kindness and encouragement into your life - go find new friends or hold the ones in your life accoutnable to do better. They say we are the result of the five people we surround ourselves with - we need motivators and encouragers in our lives.

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What does love mean to you? 👋

I’d love to hear some of your story.

Here are a few topics I think you’ll love if you haven’t checked them out before:

How to Breathe for Better Health

How Self-Doubt Can Become Your Superpower 

How to Supercharge Your Sleep

The Power of the Sauna

Forgiveness May Be Your Missing Ingredient

-Jared

P.S. - This newsletter does not provide medical advice. The content, such as graphics, images, text, and all other materials, is provided for reference and educational purposes only. The content is not meant to be complete or exhaustive or to be applicable to any specific individual's medical condition.

[1]: Holt-Lunstad, J., Birmingham, W. A., & Light, K. C. (2008). Influence of a “warm touch” support enhancement intervention among married couples on ambulatory blood pressure, oxytocin, alpha amylase, and cortisol. Psychosomatic Medicine, 70(9), 976-985.

[2]: Uchino, B. N., Cacioppo, J. T., & Kiecolt-Glaser, J. K. (1996). The relationship between social support and physiological processes: A review with emphasis on underlying mechanisms and implications for health. Psychological Bulletin, 119(3), 488-531.

[3]: Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., Baker, M., Harris, T., & Stephenson, D. (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: A meta-analytic review. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 10(2), 227-237.