I’ve been obsessed with food

To add to that list I would include many other things that I now feel so bad for obsessing over. For decades, I’ve thought that the greatest mover in a person’s health could come by improvements in their diet. I could give you a laundry list of science to validate that belief.

But I am wrong. I was wrong. We are wrong.

I recently volunteered at an amazing event my wife and I have become obsessed with.

One of the individuals shared with me that she had for years been trying to figure out why her body was not as healthy as she wanted it to be. She was trying everything - different fitness routines, every diet from carnivore to raw plant-based, and all the breathwork and meditation under the sun - all to no avail.

She blurted out a line that had me in tears immediately - " I’ve come to realize - it’s not the food”.

I knew exactly what she meant. I’ve been reading and researching enough in the past few years to realize that a line I read years ago is truer than ever - that 90% of our sickness comes from the mind!

In that moment of resonance, my tears and her tears started to flow. She’s right, why have I been so blind to think Kale could heal you from sickness that your abuser caused you? That more squats or better REM sleep are the answer to your feelings of not being enough because your parent abandoned you? I feel like an idiot!

Whereas at one time in my life I would have quickly told someone to eat more fruits and vegetables or walk more steps or get better sleep if they really want to improve their health - now I realize how foolish that all is. I’ve been obsessing over the 10% when the 90% deserves the attention.

If we had lunch today and you asked me for some health advice here is where I would go:

#1 - On a scale of 1-10 tell me about the peace you have when you think about your relationships - parents whether dead or alive, siblings, thoughts on kids you went to school with, friends, coworkers and lastly - peace within your own mind as you think about you. If you can’t say all those are at a 10 - then your health is going to suffer. You have to forgive people, ask for their forgiveness, be a conduit of love to others and bask in love that comes your way - as well as consider the things you love about you. If you can’t share with me at least 3-5 things you like about you - you have a BIG problem!

There is a statement about the secret to living life to the fullest is loving your neighbor as much as you love yourself - yet most of us are basking in shame like it’s the freaking sunshine every day. When in reality it’s a snowstorm doing its best to kill us.

#2 - I would then ask you about the pain you feel that you are most hesitant to talk about - people who hurt you, moments in life that felt unfair, sadness and heartache that you haven’t expressed. The science is clear - if you don’t express your pain - it will destroy you.

#3 - I would ask you if the world - your friends, family, peers - really know you. Or are you hiding behind a facade. If so - at least based on the science I’m reading - your facade is a slow drip that is killing you from the inside out. The pretty smile may be the last to go.

#4 - Then I would tell you about the science I have found that works for me and others to move the needle. Those things do include healthier food, deeper breaths, punctual sleep and wake times, heavier weights, and the list of stuff you likely already know goes on and on.

I’ve found some science below for the curious amongst us 🙂 

I want to challenge those of us who can say we are near the 10 level across the board to go find people who aren’t there yet and encourage them - hold space for them - be kind to them and root for them!

What the science shows

• Relationships protect longevity. Strong social ties are associated with a ~50% higher likelihood of survival vs. weak ties—an effect on par with major biomedical risks. [1] 

• Loneliness harms the brain–heart axis. Chronic loneliness increased stroke risk by up to 56% in a large U.S. cohort, independent of social isolation and depression. [2] 

• Hidden inflammation links mood and disease. Depression and anxiety correlate with higher CRP/IL-6; about a quarter of depressed patients show low-grade inflammation. Treat the inflamed mind, and you’re often helping the body. [3–4] 

• Early adversity echoes in mid-life health. Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) are tied to higher cardiovascular risk; healthy adult lifestyle can blunt—but not erase—this signal. [5–6] 

• Therapy can shift biology, not just feelings. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been linked to reductions in peripheral IL-6 in depression and can improve perceived physical health alongside mood outcomes. [7–8] 

Why this matters for your daily decisions

• Chronic emotional stress elevates sympathetic tone and inflammatory markers, subtly changing blood pressure, glucose, and sleep architecture. Over time, that outcompetes most supplements and step counts. [3–4, 7] 

• Investing in emotional repair (therapy, couples work, meaningful friendships) amplifies returns from nutrition, training, and recovery—the multiplier effect of a calmer nervous system. [1–2, 7–8] 

Objections you might have

• “I don’t have time.”

  • Micro-dose it: 10-minute gratitude or journaling session after your morning coffee; one focused walk-and-talk with your spouse each evening. Batch-book therapy or coaching like you do workouts (recurring slot).

• “Therapy feels unnecessary if I’m not ‘in crisis’.”

  • Think of it like preventive cardiology: address small frictions before they calcify. Many RCTs show benefit even outside major episodes. [7–8] 

• “Diet and exercise should cover it.”

  • They help—but loneliness, unresolved conflict, or old trauma can keep inflammation and blood pressure elevated despite clean labs and consistent training. [2–6] 

How to integrate emotional healing this week

• One courageous conversation. Schedule a 30-minute, phones-down check-in with your spouse: “What’s one thing we can improve together this month?”

• Repair the social net. Pick two relationships to rekindle; set a recurring monthly lunch or call. Put it on the calendar (like a workout). [1–2] 

• Practice downshifting. 5–10 minutes/day of breathwork, prayer, or mindfulness (box breathing 4-4-4-4). Consider a structured program or coach if you prefer accountability. [8] 

• Professional support. If sleep, irritability, or blood pressure remain stubborn, add therapy (CBT or trauma-informed approaches). Track outcomes the same way you track VO₂ max or HRV. [7–8] 

and anyone that knows me knows I’m obsessed with the data - if it can be measured, it must be measured!

Bottom line

Food and fitness are necessary lanes—but emotional healing is the pavement. Build sturdier relationships, resolve what’s unresolved, and your metabolic, cardiovascular, and sleep metrics often follow.

Can I get a witness? 🙂 

If you haven’t yet - go read Myth of Normal - it’s gold!

---

I’d love to hear if this is new to you or old hat? 👋

I write this newsletter each week because I feel my best when my body, mind and soul are all healthy. I want the same for you. If you feel like you’ve seen something valuable here, please do me a favor and forward this newsletter to a friend or let me know what you think by replying or texting me - (310) 879-8441

I think happy couples make the world go round. I also believe men can do more to lead and love in their lives. In light of that, I have found the following four books to be the 4 books every man should read and every woman should want their man to read.

• Good Energy - What makes for a Healthy Body and Mind?

• The Masculine in Relationship - How to Win the Trust, Lust and Devotion of a Strong Woman

• The Man’s Guide to Women - The Science of Happy Relationships

• The Desire of Ages - Leadership in a World of Cowards

Here are a few other links to things that have changed my life:

Whoop - Track your HRV and REM Sleep

Function Health - Optimize Your Health via 100+ BioMarkers

Here are a few topics I think you’ll love if you haven’t checked them out before:

How to Breathe for Better Health

How to Supercharge Your Sleep

The Power of the Sauna

-Jared

P.S. - This newsletter does not provide medical advice. The content, such as graphics, images, text, and all other materials, is provided for reference and educational purposes only. The content is not meant to be complete or exhaustive or to be applicable to any specific individual's medical condition.

References

1. Holt-Lunstad J, et al. Social Relationships and Mortality Risk: A Meta-analytic Review. PLoS Med. 2010. 

2. Soh Y, et al. Loneliness and Risk of Stroke. (Harvard-led analysis using HRS data). 2024. 

3. Ye Z, et al. Inflammation in Depression and Anxiety: Tests for Causality. Psychol Med. 2021. 

4. Osimo EF, et al. Prevalence of Low-Grade Inflammation in Depression. Mol Psychiatry. 2019. 

5. Jackson DB, et al. ACEs and Cardiovascular Risk among Young Adults. Prev Med Rep. 2022. 

6. Qiao Y, et al. Healthy Lifestyle Attenuates CVD Risk Conferred by ACEs. J Affect Disord. 2024. 

7. Ma H, et al. CBT and Peripheral IL-6: Meta-analysis. Front Psychiatry. 2022. 

8. Dafsari FS, et al. CBT vs Supportive Psychotherapy and Physical Health Perception in Depression. JAMA Netw Open. 2024.