Is Anger Good or Bad? It depends on what you do with it?

How could anger ever be a good thing?

Author

Jared Thurmon
September 16, 2025 • Estimated Reading Time: 10 minutes

I haven’t seen this much anger in a while…

There I was chillin by the pool with my wife - enjoying a few days in the sun celebrating our 19th wedding anniversary last week. I was going back and forth between the latest book I’m reading - The Myth of Normal - which is absolutely blowing my mind and my phone - which does its best to break my mind with my news feed. Then I got the alert of Charlie Kirk being shot and then saw the gruesome clip of what happened.

I admit I only knew of him via some clips on my timeline here or there with a few short sound bites. Then my TikTok timeline began to transform in the coming hours and days. I learned (at least from my ChatGPT account) - that Kirk had 15 billion views on his content last year (per Turning Point data) - more than any other figure or brand in the world if true.

If you had told me that, I would have said what?!! I feel like I’ve been hiding under a rock for a few reasons.

I think the American experiment is more fragile than anyone wants to admit. This recent interview with Ray Dalio is very insightful. I think the emotions on both sides of the political spectrum and the fabric of society has been unraveling - clearly.

I used to be dogmatic about my beliefs - I’ve repented of those ways which I feel weren’t effective at all. I’ve said things I regretted later. I’ve spoken in front of crowds - even crowds of students. It had me asking if I believed in anything enough to be at peace if I was killed saying it. That will give you pause - it did me. (Full transparency - my answer was NO - many things I’ve said were not worthy of dying for - which makes me realize what we say matters and to make it matter)

Another reason - I think because of the realization that my social media timeline is not like yours and we are each in our own echo chamber thinking ‘everyone thinks like me’. Thats the trap of the current moment. How many of us can say we have friends - friends we love and care for and talk to - that see issues VERY differently than we do. I was proud of myself (I hope that’s ok) that in the last week I talked with friends where we see this and other issues very differently - but I choose not to throw shade or enmity at them and thankfully no tomatoes have been thrown at me.

And it led me to being inspired by what I was reading by Gabor Maté and current events to write this today about anger.

I used to think anger was bad. I now think it’s good - but only if you express it.

What we are witnessing right now is not - for the most part - all of a sudden feelings and emotions out of nowhere based on the last week. For many - things have been brewing for a long time - just needing a reason or an outlet to reveal it.

I’m learning in this book by Maté that anger held on to and not expressed is dangerous - it’s going to make you sick and likely lead to disease.

As I hear more people’s stories and realize how much pain there is in the world - I hear about people who were sexually abused as children and still hold on to anger. Spouses who tolerate their significant other but aren’t happy and in fact are full of resentment and anger. The list could go on and on.

Did you know - Anger often arises as a response to a more primary, underlying emotion — one that feels more vulnerable or threatening to experience or express - like sadness or fear.

So what is the solution?

Expression!

That alone is actually good for us (more on the science of why below) - just express the emotions that have been brewing inside of us.

But if you want even more benefit:

Expression and Connection.

If you can find a safe space - someone in your life - to hold space - walk with you, listen to you, hear you without jumping in to tell you you are wrong or to be quiet - that is friendship - that is healing.

How do you do that? You get to a place where you are happy and at peace with what you believe - and you are ok if someone else isn’t in the same place. You approach conversations with curiosity on why they see something different than you. You seek to understand where and why they are coming from where they are. That doesn’t mean you don’t believe what you do - just that you can clearly explain why they think the way they do - and yes even when it directly opposes how you see the issue.

Here are 5 evidence-based reasons why expressing anger in healthy ways is better than suppressing it, supported by peer-reviewed research:

1. Reduces Physical Stress and Lowers Cortisol

Suppressing anger has been linked to higher cortisol levels and increased physiological stress responses, which over time can lead to inflammation, heart disease, and other chronic conditions.

In contrast, expressing anger appropriately can help the body process and release stress hormones, reducing overall physical strain[^1]

2. Improves Mental Health and Lowers Risk of Depression

Chronic anger suppression is associated with increased rates of depression and anxiety, as bottled-up anger can turn inward and damage self-esteem.

Studies show that healthy anger expression contributes to emotional regulation and reduces risk of depressive symptoms[^2].

3. Strengthens Relationships Through Honest Communication

While aggressive outbursts are harmful, assertively expressing anger can build trust and boundaries in relationships.

People who express their anger constructively are more likely to resolve conflicts and maintain healthier interpersonal dynamics than those who suppress it[^3].

4. Enhances Self-Awareness and Emotional Intelligence

Acknowledging and expressing anger helps individuals better understand their needs and values. This builds emotional intelligence and resilience.

Emotional suppression, on the other hand, is linked to reduced emotional clarity and lower well-being[^4].

5. May Reduce the Risk of Chronic Illness

A landmark study found that men who frequently suppressed anger had a higher risk of developing high blood pressure and cardiovascular disease.

Expressing anger in a non-destructive way may help reduce this risk by activating healthier stress-recovery cycles[^5].

Biggest Takeaway - Let it out! Don’t hold it in! For the sake of your own health!

I’d love to hear how you deal with anger or if you haven’t figured out how yet... 👋

I write this newsletter each week because I feel my best when my body, mind and soul are all healthy. I want the same for you. If you feel like you’ve seen something valuable here, please do me a favor and forward this newsletter to a friend or let me know what you think by replying or texting me - (310) 879-8441

I think happy couples make the world go round. I also believe men can do more to lead and love in their lives. In light of that, I have found the following four books to be the 4 books every man should read and every woman should want their man to read.

Here are a few other links to things that have changed my life:

Whoop - Track your HRV and REM Sleep

Function Health - Optimize Your Health via 100+ BioMarkers

Here are a few topics I think you’ll love if you haven’t checked them out before:

-Jared

P.S. - This newsletter does not provide medical advice. The content, such as graphics, images, text, and all other materials, is provided for reference and educational purposes only. The content is not meant to be complete or exhaustive or to be applicable to any specific individual's medical condition.

References

[^1]: Moons, W. G., Eisenberger, N. I., & Taylor, S. E. (2010). Anger and fear responses to stress have different biological profiles. Psychological Science, 21(2), 206–213. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797609359874

[^2]: Suinn, R. M. (2001). The terrible twos—anger and anxiety: Hazardous to your health. American Psychologist, 56(1), 27–36. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.56.1.27

[^3]: Kennedy-Moore, E., & Watson, J. C. (2001). Expressing emotion: Myths, realities, and therapeutic strategies. Guilford Press.

[^4]: Gross, J. J., & John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348–362. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.85.2.348

[^5]: Siegman, A. W., & Smith, T. W. (1994). Anger, hostility, and the heart. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.