Perfection is not what we think it is

In an age of AI, it seems “imperfection” is in. I had someone share a video the other day that looked like it was from the 80s and said this is real. But AI is getting real good - to even try to bring in some ‘imperfection’ to achieve perfection.

But is that true for relationships? For produce? For people? Is homogeneous sameness — the same shine, the same sheen — really what we all want?

Are Fake Boobs, Fake Teeth, Fake Aesthetics better than the real - the genuine which may have variations and ‘imperfections’? Is your fancy new truck with a good wax more perfect than mine with mud on it after I go off roading?

Here’s a new definition to try on: perfection is progress with some bumps and bruises.

I don’t think perfection is the fake kind — like an AI image with no sunspots, no wrinkles, no scars. Real perfection isn’t arriving at some destination where every blemish disappears. One of my favorite ancient writings describes a Jewish prophet describing someone meeting the Messiah and asking about the scars in his hands and feet. The response: “Oh, these? I got these in the house of my friends.”

To nearly two billion people who follow that Messiah today, it’s the scars that make Him beautiful — not the absence of them.

I have scars too, and every one of mine has a story: bone chips, lacerations from having too much fun, nearly cutting off my toes in a cave, smashing into a brick wall playing tag, even a BB pellet that lodged an inch into my temple as a kid. These marks are reminders. They make me, me.

But here’s the tragedy: with Photoshop and AI, many of us now think the fake is real.

Take tomatoes. A grocery store tomato may look “perfect,” but cut it open and it tastes like wet cardboard. Meanwhile, that “ugly” heirloom tomato with the bumps, bruises, and awkward shape? Slice into it, and your tastebuds say wowza! Which one is truly perfect? The real one.

In Business

Do you want to hear the story of a young founder with a billion-dollar exit in three years who never had one failure or set back? Probably not. That’s like cinderella being invited to the ball, never losing her shoe and marrying Prince Charming the next morning to live happily ever after - about a 3 minute film full of BORING!

What inspires us is grit:

• Steve Jobs — fired from Apple before returning to lead it into its golden era.

• Walt Disney — bankrupt before building his iconic studio.

• Oprah Winfrey — fired from her first TV job for being “unfit for television.”

• Elon Musk — watched Tesla and SpaceX teeter on the edge of bankruptcy.

• Arianna Huffington — rejected 36 times before publishing her second book and launching The Huffington Post.

Their scars tell the story. Failure wasn’t the end — it was the foundation of their breakthrough success.

In Life

We live in a sanitized age where plastic looks fantastic — where we grew up with action figures like He-man and Barbie with forms that defy gravity. And now we scroll through AI-touched photos of people we actually know, comparing our messy, real lives to their curated, fake highlight reels and think ‘they have a perfect life’.

Covetousness might be the deadliest sin of our age — craving things that look real but aren’t.

So here’s my new working definition of perfection:

Perfection is progress at every turn. Perfection is a Journey.

I think we are called to perfection - the journey kind. The kind where we trip and fall on the path but get back up. Not the kind that says “You’ve arrived at your destination”.

As long as you’re growing as you’re going, you’re perfect.

If you think you’ve arrived, that’s when it’s time to worry. Because no house, no watch, no car will make life perfect.

Real life — the kind with love, growth, and yes, scars — is perfect.

5 Ways to Loosen the Grip of Perfectionism (The Destination Kind)

1. Practice Self-Compassion

   Treat yourself like you would a friend. It reduces anxiety and shame.

   Research: Neff, 2011.

2. Challenge Negative Thoughts (CBT)

   Replace “If I’m not perfect, I’m a failure” with balanced thoughts.

   Research: Lloyd et al., 2014.

3. Set Process Goals

   Focus on progress (“I’ll work for 30 minutes”) instead of perfect results.

   Research: Roberts et al., 2019.

4. Expose Yourself to Imperfection

   Try leaving something at 80% done — and notice the world keeps turning.

   Research: Egan et al., 2011.

5. Build Honest Connections

   Safe, supportive relationships help you see your worth beyond performance.

   Research: Kawamura & Frost, 2004.

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I’d love to hear about your views on perfection. 👋

I write this newsletter each week because I feel my best when my body, mind and soul are all healthy. I want the same for you. If you feel like you’ve seen something valuable here, please do me a favor and forward this newsletter to a friend or let me know what you think by replying or texting me - (310) 879-8441

I think happy couples make the world go round. I also believe men can do more to lead and love in their lives. In light of that, I have found the following four books to be the 4 books every man should read and every woman should want their man to read.

• Good Energy - What makes for a Healthy Body and Mind?

• The Masculine in Relationship - How to Win the Trust, Lust and Devotion of a Strong Woman

• The Man’s Guide to Women - The Science of Happy Relationships

• The Desire of Ages - Leadership in a World of Cowards

Here are a few other links to things that have changed my life:

Whoop - Track your HRV and REM Sleep

Function Health - Optimize Your Health via 100+ BioMarkers

Here are a few topics I think you’ll love if you haven’t checked them out before:

How to Breathe for Better Health

How to Supercharge Your Sleep

The Power of the Sauna

-Jared

P.S. - This newsletter does not provide medical advice. The content, such as graphics, images, text, and all other materials, is provided for reference and educational purposes only. The content is not meant to be complete or exhaustive or to be applicable to any specific individual's medical condition.

Sources:

1. Neff, K.D. (2011). Self-compassion and adaptive psychological functioning. Journal of Research in Personality.

2. Lloyd, S., Schmidt, U., & et al. (2014). Cognitive behavior therapy for perfectionism. Behavior Research and Therapy.

3. Roberts, T., et al. (2019). Goal orientation and well-being. Journal of Applied Psychology.

4. Egan, S. J., Wade, T. D., & Shafran, R. (2011). Perfectionism as a transdiagnostic process. Journal of Clinical Psychology.

5. Kawamura, K. Y., & Frost, R. O. (2004). The role of social support in perfectionism. Personality and Individual Differences.