My motivation was Sex!

I’m sure you’re thinking “Are you serious?” Like more sex? Better sex? Is the author of this 16 years old? 😊

I’m 42, with my first wife of 17 years. I’m old enough to know how to make a mixtape or browse Blockbuster aisles to figure out what movie you want to watch.

Let me explain.

First, let me share my two cents on sex.

But here’s the truth. There’s one thing that will wreak havoc on your sex life - Stress.

Ok well, maybe a few things - not being active, eating junk food, not getting enough sleep, and more.

For me, I have this addiction that it took me a while to finally identify - entrepreneurial addiction or chaos addiction - tomato, tomatoe. 😂

I was continually looking for the next venture and then pouring all my energy into it. I didn’t realize that it was slowly but surely robbing all the passion I should have had for my wife and channeling it all into my latest venture.

For a while, it was a ton of travel which doesn’t make for a good recipe for a super duper sex life.

There’s another thing I should add here. I think the evidence is starting to come to light that porn and resulting masturbation and solo pleasure are net negative for your sex life. For example, the amount of men who have Erectile Dysfunction from porn use is wild.

It’s like snacking or eating sugar between meals. It tricks you into thinking you’re not hungry and satisfied. But the reality is this - anyone practicing solo sex feels less than satisfied and all the more so the more often they do it.

Solo sex was off-limits!

So when my wife and I got married we agreed that solo sex was off the table.

What that commitment to your spouse does is make you hungry for the real thing and really satisfied when it happens. The chase is on - all the time. No one is eating snacks - we only eat at dinner time - together.

To anyone cheating on yourself and your spouse with solo sex, you’re missing out on the most satisfying sex of your life - with your spouse.

Ok back to my motivation for better health.

I started to realize a correlation of two things. The more stressed I was, the less I wanted sex. And even worse - the more stressed I was, the less quality of sex I was having when it happened.

So I saw that both the quantity and quality of my sex life were ebbing and flowing based on the amount of cortisol flowing through my body.

Me wanting or not wanting sex became my barometer as to whether I was stressed or not and in a healthy frame of mind.

My first reality was that I wasn’t as active as I was 20 years ago. I seemed to be too lazy to schedule time each day to go exercise - the rest of life was more important. So I hired a trainer to keep me from being lazy.

And guess what? There is something about the drug of exercise and working out that starts to impact so many areas of your life. But that wasn’t the only area - I had to slow down, I had to spend some more time practicing gratitude and not so worried about tomorrow.

My health changes started to lower my stress levels. Slowly (nothing seems to be as fast as we would like) that led to more desire for sex which led to better health - which led to feelings like when I first got married.

Small changes led to increased desire which led to more flirting, more sexting, and more hot dates. Because once you turn up the heat in your marriage, it’s like a gift that keeps on giving.

Sexual polarity increases. A man’s masculine energy goes up. A woman’s feminine energy does too in response. This flows out of the bedroom into the boardroom. You don’t have to be so stressed. You can chill out. You’re nicer. You’re more patient.

Playfulness finds its way back into not just the bedroom but all of life and somehow a dynamic sex life in your marriage spills over into every other area of your life.

And like anything fun in life or any hobby you may have, as soon as you make time for it, you start to realize practice makes perfect.

If you go shoot a 77 in golf, you think “Well man if I took a lesson or learned more about a few things I may be even better.”

Sex between a husband and wife should be the same. There should be continual betterment and greater satisfaction. Like golf, after you have learned a few new ideas to test out, we should be looking forward to sex like it’s our first time trying it.

I began to explore every area of my life that could improve my overall health.

There are some good arguments for why sex is a good barometer for your health, especially for men.

Side note: Let’s be honest - Olympic sport-type sex is not for the faint of heart. You literally need amazing heart health and blood flow to be in optimal condition. And when you’re done you’re like “I need a Gatorade.” 😂

Science says a healthy male should be waking up with an erection most mornings aka “morning wood” as they say. It is a sign the same vessels in your heart have adequate blood flow.

Once you’re having sex for as long as your partner wants to and feeling pleasure on a whole new level, you start to see the level of heart health and endurance you need for remarkable sex.

Side note: It’s easy for guys to say - “I just wish she initiated more sex or wanted sex as much as me”. Let me share with you a secret that the data also validates. Women want more sex than you could imagine. But you’ve got to be the man leading and providing and loving her outside the bedroom so that she feels safe before you can be the one leading and providing and loving her inside the bedroom. In other words, you be the man of her dreams outside the bedroom and she will be the woman of your dreams inside the bedroom. No pressure 😊)

Before I continue, I thought it might be helpful to hear from my wife - Annette, about my journey.

Jared was spending too much time on his work. He was up late. He didn’t exercise. He didn’t eat as healthy as he knew he should. Dates had started to slip off the calendar. I felt like I wasn’t the most important thing.

Then something happened. It seemed like overnight. I had told him for years that I could tell when he was stressed because affection and flirting disappeared.

He wrote me a letter and confessed where he had fallen short. He apologized. He said how he was going to make changes. I was going to wait and see.

He started to prioritize his health. He started to work out. He went to bed earlier. He started to read a lot of personal development books.

He then started to tell me how much I meant to him. The text messages got more spicy 🔥.  And it translated into playfulness coming back into our marriage. He excelled in his work more and as a wife I couldn’t help but respond to all this love and affection.

I now feel wanted and chased on a daily basis. It’s made all the difference in the world for our marriage.

-Annette

It’s also good to know that a lack of desire for sex can also be an indicator other things are wrong. This could be for men or women. If you don’t crave passionate sex with your spouse, you should be asking and exploring if your health is not where it needs to be or men if you love your wife like you need to be and like she wants you to. This question was what started my journey.

There are so many simple things that can impact our health. I just learned recently about how much just breathing through your nose at night affects sexual and physical health. If we are overweight or our health is out of whack, we likely snore which will lead to poorer sexual health.

Marriages are under attack in our world today and a happy home is the key to a happy community which is the key to a nation’s success or failure.

I think we could tie our national security to how many orgasms our wives are having. (please don’t cancel me) 😂

Whatever your motivation for better health - it will be worth the hard work you put in to make small and big changes in your life.

I’m here to share what I’ve done and am doing in my life in this newsletter each week.

You gotta find your motivation and then everything changes.

If you’re looking for that breakthrough, I hope to inspire you with an idea or information that changes the trajectory of your life.

-Jared

P.S.. During all this time over the past decade, I hired leadership coaches, l took classes and workshops on being a better husband and lover, I read personal development books, I tried every health hack that made sense, bought this herb or that supplement - all in hopes of finding ways to level up my health. I hope to share some of that story along the way with you.

But if you’re looking for something more immediate and personal, I started 1 on 1 coaching for a few hours each month. If you’re interested, reply to this email or send me a text - (310) 879-8441 and let me know how I can help you take your health and life to the next level.