Hello, Internet! It has been a long time since I wrote a blog here, but I’ve been going through a lot of things. Trying to get help. No one likes feeling like they can’t do it on their own. That we can find a way to beat it on you own (which some can) but sometimes…. you need a helping hand.
The last 4 months I’ve been trying to get medicaid from the government (the department of workforce). A place where you can apply for jobs, get classes for interviews or insurance when you are struggling. It’s been emotionally exhausting and last month I had a mental evaluation for it. The therapist explained to me there are other options besides getting insurance to pay for therapy. Most people can’t dish out $100 each visit, so there are some places that do payment in a sliding scale. It simply means that you get charged by your income, so this is a life saver for those who are struggling. Even for someone who doesn’t work, it would only cost me $17 a visit. So much better than $100, right? 🙂
If you are like me, I hate asking for help, whether it’s money to pay for therapy or call a place to make an appointment. It makes me feel pathetic, kills my self esteem and makes me feel as if I’m a little child. Last night I talked to my parents about this, especially with my father who suffers from anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder (from being in the army). He has this issue as well, as if he’s taking advantage of someone’s kindness when he should be the one doing it on his own. I’m a 22 year old women, but even my dad, a grown adult, feels this way. You aren’t alone.
As my mom explained, it’s very hard to watch someone you love suffer from anxiety, because they feel as if they can’t do anything to help. So, if she can help by calling to make an appointment or paying for me to go, it makes her feel better. That she is able to do something for me. Then it hits me, that she’s right.
I’m sitting there hating myself for accepting someone’s offer to help, always refusing because I don’t want to feel bad. Yet, there is my mother, friends and my boyfriend feeling bad because they WANT to be there and help, but I’m not letting them. Instead of me protecting my pride, I’m hurting myself by not letting others help me recover. I realize now that I need to re-program my brain to think of it as I’m doing something nice for them, letting them feel needed.
It’s okay to need help. We aren’t less of a person, we just have a problem and need a party to kill the dragon. A group of supportive friends and family to buff you up for the final boss.
Remember, they are there to help, let them call around for sliding scale payments or programs. It will take some of the stress off of you and make them feel needed. It will help make your relationships stronger and deeper because you are letting them be around in your time of need. They can hold their heads up high knowing that they helped you through your journey for better mental health. It’s not good to try and solo a dungeon when you are injured, think of it like that. We all want to do it on our own, but sometimes we need others to push us onto the right, healthy path.
Build a bond, ask for help. It’s what I’m doing, finally allowing people to help me.