If you are like me, when someone insults you when you have social anxiety, it triggers a panic attack. My hands will shake, my tummy tosses and I’ll often cry. However, we can’t stop insults or negative feedback. So, this is how I deal with it.
For me, negative feed back is very hard to hear. Every time someone says something rude or puts me down, I have a panic attack. It’s the fear of disappointing, being looked down upon. My social anxiety wants to never have to hear bad things, because it doesn’t know how to handle it. I get so scared and upset over someone saying they think I’m stupid! I tend to shut down and my whole day can be ruined by something as easy as a troll.
But I can’t run away every time someone puts me down, because that’s life. No matter who you are, you have been put down by someone else. I could be a hermit and not have any friends, but that’s not what I want.
I’m writing this blog post because the past few weeks, I’ve been dealing with a lot of trolls. People calling me stupid, ugly and just a horrible person. I can’t please everyone, heck, there will be people that just insult me because I’m an easy target or they think it’s funny. However, I’m teaching myself to disconnect. Sometimes it works, sometimes it’s not enough.
This is what goes through my head when someone says something insulting. “What did I do to deserve this?” “Am I stupid?” “Maybe I should have done it this way.” “Do they hate me?” “Maybe I should just turn off my internet.” “I’m not good enough to have friends.” “I’m worthless.” “Maybe it’s true.” “Am I that ugly?” “I hate that I made this mistake.” “I wish I could take it away.” As you can see, it’s a jumbled mess of anxious thoughts.
This is what I tell myself. “I can do this.” “Calm down, this is normal.” “I can’t please everyone.” “It’s sad that they have to put people down.” “Ignore it.” “I have friends that love me.” “I believe in myself.” “It’s okay to make mistakes.” “No one is perfect.” “Not everyone thinks this.” “I’m wonderful.” “I’m beautiful.” “I’m smart.” I have to to tell myself these things over and over, until I believe them. Sometimes I say them a hundred times before it works. But it helps me so much.
No matter what you can’t please everyone and have to learn to handle it. I’m working very hard on disconnecting myself from insults. To not take it personal, even if the things people say are awful.
I also don’t think it’s good to feed trolls. Don’t argue back with them, it will just lead to more bickering. I personally don’t fight fire with fire. Instead, I want to move on from it. I’ll block trolls and people that want to be rude. Often enough, I want to change their mind, make them see it from my side. That I’m worthy of them. But that’s unhealthy. Why should I fight to prove myself to someone who thinks badly of me?
I reccommend finding a facebook page or whatever social outlet you use that is all about positive, uplifting messages. Whenever I’m having a panic attack I read @NoSocialAnxiety’s twitter posts and it encourages me to get through any bad insults.
Some @NoSocialAnxiety posts that I adore:
Other peoples judgments speak volumes about them, but nothing about you.
Your wellbeing is more important than making desired impressions on people
Why would you want a person with rude, ignorant, emotionally abusive behavior to like you, want you, or have interest in you?
Accept that others will occasionally disapprove of you or react negatively to you.
Judge yourself by ignoring what other people think.
I hope this helps you get through any negative feedback like it does for me. 🙂